I was recommended Kind: The Quiet Power of Kindness at Work by Graham Alcott by a wise mentor and read it over New Year and was glad to see how well it chimed with our approach at Foundations of using Radical Candor by Kim Scott to create the right kind of feedback culture.

Allcott argues that kindness gets a bad press because it is often confused with ‘just being nice’, whereas in fact there is a world of difference between nice and kind. Nice is weak, telling people what they want to hear, it’s what Kim Scott calls ‘ruinous empathy’, which is rife in the charity sector. People are nice when they want to be liked, they are people-pleasing. Being kind, or what Kim Scott calls radically candid, is about being honest and, crucially, clear. It is unkind being unclear, which is often what happens when people try to be nice. Allcott points out that you get a choice in every interaction whether to show kindness or not, a choice you should always take. He also agrees with Kim Scott on the importance of feedback being served in a small, consistent way, rather than by one daunting annual appraisal. A culture of regular feedback means that everyone is used to it and the less palatable parts are easier to digest.

There are some great reminders, like never engaging in conflict (especially via email) if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT), and the 40-20-20 rule for meetings – that 40% of attention spent on a meeting should be on preparation, 20% is the meeting itself, and 40% is follow through actions. If you find yourself in back-to-back meetings it is more likely to be 1-98-1, an important reminder to have fewer, better quality meetings. He also argues for the value of a couple of hours of deep thinking, reflection and planning to enable you to be fully in control, possibly still overloaded, but not overwhelmed, and reminds leaders that repetition feels unnatural and can seem patronizing but that it’s good to override that instinct. It’s far better that someone hear the important thing twice (and the second time they are likely digesting the implications anyway) than a whole bunch of people miss the message altogether.

There are also some great quotes about leadership that resonated with me – leadership being like a tea bag in that you don’t know how strong it is until it’s in hot water and leadership being about striking the right balance between being a poet and a plumber being a couple of favourites.

All in all this is a great read for anyone wanting to make the workplace a better place to be.